I Don't Dance
by Chelsea Oz
Summary: One shot. Listen to "I Don't Dance" by Lee Brice for doubling the feels while you read. Miss Maudie is dying of cancer and her last wish is to dance with her lifelong friend and sometimes lover, Jack Finch. Their history and present is told in Jack's POV.
Of all the women I have ever loved, I swear I've loved Maudie Atkinson the most. I would always chase her around town just to get a kick out of my brother and my niece and my nephew but the truth is we've been together all along. I knew Atticus knew for a long time but kept up the charade for the kids. I may be the family eccentric and truthful to a fault, especially after a bottle of brandy, but even I know that there are some things that children just don't need to know.

I've grown up with Miss Maudie all my life. She was a year older than I was but I was always kind of hot for her. Scout used to like to think she and Dill were the first ones to be childhood sweethearts, well guess what honey? Maudie and I were the first and nobody did it better. My lips have known hers since our time started, I swear. As the years went by, the kissing turned to necking and later turned into sex.

The biggest secret we both have and that we would both take to our graves? Our first time was on her wedding night. Old Mr. Atkinson fell asleep on her and she was finally ready to know what sex was like. I had known for years because I was quite the lady's man and that expertise is just what she needed. Sure, I felt bad for the old man but I figured I was doing her a favor and I couldn't really have sunk any lower: I was in love with my brother's bride for God's sake! I was relieved when she came to me the next morning to let me know that her husband was still fast asleep and that she had gotten her period right after our dirty deed. To this day, no one knows except the both of us.

She became a widow far too soon but she wouldn't take pity from anyone over it. I always knew she wasn't really happy in her marriage anyway. Maudie had the spirit of a free bird like I did; that's why we got along together so well. I teased her many times to marry me now and she always replied no like I knew she would. Like I said, all those times that I stayed that week for Christmas, Jem and Scout never knew that I would spend the night with Maudie. After Tom Robinson's trial and Atticus' children were attacked, I moved back to Maycomb full time. I was to have many more nights with Maudie.

1943 put an end to those nights. I was the one who found a lump on her right breast. It scared me because I knew that for the past year or so she would feel sick on and off but I honestly couldn't figure out exactly why; drives you crazy when you're a doctor. The night I found that lump was when the pieces of the puzzle started to fit. Dr. Reynolds Sr. confirmed my fears: cancer. They sent her for further testing and treatment in Birmingham and I would always take her there. I say always but by the time we found out they decided there was nothing more that they could do for her, so we went home after only a week of treatments. It was horrible; I was distraught and Maudie was too exhausted from her treatments to be distraught.

"I want this nightmare to be over already," Maudie's first words after we came back home.

"I don't want you to go," I replied, crying.

"I have to go," she said as she grabbed my face. "You love me, right?"

"Right."

"Well, you have to let me go if you love me. I'm not going to live much longer and I already know I'm not going to want to live. I'm so scared."

"I'm scared, too. I'm not going to let you die alone."

"Thank you."

That night I told Atticus, Alexandra and Scout about Maudie's grave prognosis and told them if they wanted to spend time with her, now was the time. How I wish Jem wasn't in the war and how I wish he could be here; he loved Maudie as much as anyone. Atticus and Alexandra were expectantly shocked and saddened but Scout was the one who broke down and cried. I kissed my niece and held her in my arms as we both cried. Alexandra chastized me for not being strong for Scout but my sister doesn't understand a lot of things so I just let it roll off me like water.

It wasn't long before everyone in town knew and it seemed there were truckloads of food and flowers coming in for her everyday. It warmed my heart to know how much she was loved by everyone and I know she felt the same way. She really didn't have a whole lot of visitors; just my family, really and Rachel and Stephanie, although I know those old bats were only there so they could run back and tell everyone what she was really like in the state she was in. Old bags.

"Jack Finch," she said to me about a week after I had brought her home to die. "Dance with me."

"I don't dance," I told her in a huff. Me, dance?

"You're going to today! Turn on the radio and help me outta this damn bed!"

I took a deep breath and sighed; I better do it. Nobody knows how much longer she has and if her dying wish is to dance with me, I'm going to do it. "When The Lights Go On Again (All Over The World)" by Vaughn Monroe came on and I thought it was as good as any song to dance to. I picked up her frail body and danced her around the living room.

"I love you," she said as she kissed my lips in the middle of the song. "So much."

"I love you so much."

"Thank you for taking such good care of me."

"Thank you for taking good care of me."

"I'm sorry I never married you."

"I wouldn't want you to."

The song was over before we knew it but I kept dancing with her anyway. It felt so good to have her in my arms. She began to get jittery after a while and she began to feel a little cold. I started to cry because I knew what was happening: she was getting ready.

"You can let go, Maudie. It's okay, sweetheart, you can let go," I told her as I laid her back down on the bed. She stayed in that same miserable state for two hours before she finally let go. The love of my life let go.


End file.
